Coffee, we need to break up. You’ve turned me into someone I don’t like, and I’m worried my husband has had it with me. Yes, you’re the object of my adoration. I can't stop thinking about you. I love absolutely everything about you! How you’re grown and roasted. How I can brew you or press you. Your smell. How you blend so nicely with light cream.
But it’s time for us to split. Our relationship is a romance gone bad, and now a threat to my marriage.
Over the years, Tim and I have taken turns bringing each other coffee in bed. Sweet, right? One of those, “How to make a marriage last” tips that we started and kept alive for 24 years. But lately it’s all him. 6 straight months he’s been on coffee duty, and there’s no end in sight. As soon as I sense my consciousness rising out of blissful sleep, I kick him. Yes, you heard that right. I kick my husband. I mean, it’s not in a bruising kind of way! But I do kick him. 😞 I’m not proud of that!
(Don't judge. I’m in confession mode here.)
And if he’s not there to kick, I’ll text him this… ☕️
I know. I know. He sounds like an abused dog, but he gets this about me and forgives me in advance. We have this odd understanding. I’m a complete grouch prior to my caffeine fix (especially lately), but I turn gentler and sweeter as soon as the drug hits my veins. And it’s been this way for 24 years of marriage so he’s numb to it. Stockholm Syndrome, maybe. Prefers being captive to the pre-coffee me than trying to go life without that kick or text. But it’s getting worse. I used to at least say, “Coffee?” in a loving voice. Not anymore. 😞 Just a kick. Or a text.
(I’m drinking coffee now.)
At least I admit I need help! The signs were all there, but today I reached an all-time low (I know kicking should have been the clue to an all-time low, but I told you I'm a terrible person, remember?!).
“So, how was today different?” you ask.
Well, I suck down cup #1 and am onto cup #2 before Tim has even taken his first sip. Did I realize it then? Nope.
I started bringing coffee to the gym every morning instead of water. Did I realize it then? Nope.
I started making a second pot before heading out to work. Did I realize it then? Nope.
I stop for a coffee every afternoon, and have racked up a giant Starbucks bill. Did I realize it then? Nope.
It wasn’t until this morning.
The coffee pot was empty. We’d already polished it off (well, mostly me). Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tim’s cold half-drunk mug of coffee on the counter. The cream, sitting around a couple of hours, had collected in a scum at the top. Gross, right?? Not to me. I took that baby and sucked it right down.
Yup. I did that.
And then something crazy happened. A shame washed over me. I looked around. Did anyone see me do that? Did he want to reheat that? Do I lie and tell him I threw it into the sink? Do I just forget about it and blame the dreary rainy day (my coffee consumption usually doubles on a rainy day).
Or do I come clean, and finally just admit I have a problem?
For months, I’ve been entertaining the idea of doing another coffee detox, but my addiction takes over. “Why do you need to do that? Coffee is a simple pleasure. Coffee is high in antioxidants and is good for you! You’re not an alcoholic, so what’s the big deal?”
So I scoff at the future migraine I’ll get from removing coffee from my life, and brew another pot!
Today is different.
(I’m still drinking coffee while writing this.)
I’m going to start my detox tomorrow. It’s simple but psychologically stressful.
First week: Two cups half-caf max in the morning. One half-caf in the afternoon.
Second week: Two cups half-caf max in the morning. Herbal tea in the afternoon.
Third week: One cup half-caf max in the morning. Herbal tea in the afternoon.
Fourth week: No regular coffee.
I could definitely accomplish in one week what I’m going to take 4 weeks to do, but I really don’t want the withdrawals. Been there, done that. No fun.
Also, I’ll be adding a couple of Designs for Health products to support the detox process. https://nutritiondesigns.ehealthpro.com/products/amino-d-tox-90-vegetarian-capsules https://nutritiondesigns.ehealthpro.com/products/detox-antiox-60-capsules
So now that I’ve gone public with my problem, let's hope the kicking stops.
Wish me luck!
Breaking Up With Coffee ☕️