Packing for a week-long business trip can bring out the worst in me. Pairing shirts with pants. Finding the right shoes for the San Francisco weather. Wondering if my colleagues will think that shirt is professional enough.
My butt can’t even squeeze into those pants I wore last year!
Nothing like pulling together outfits for 6 days with people who look like they’re off to shoot a Hollywood fitness video to walk you down the path of insecurities.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my colleagues. But, from my perspective, they all live the “healthy life,” glowing from the energy they get from practicing what they’re preaching. I respect and admire them, but am also pretty intimidated by them.
Why does this happen every single time? Why do I allow myself to feel small around wonderful people I love?
In all spiritual practices, we are asked to stay rooted in our own relationship to God. In yoga, we find our focal point. We lose our balance when we look over at another person’s mat. Looking at others is irrelevant and detrimental to the practice and journey. A person of faith has his/her own faith, in spite of others. This rooting into our connection to the Deeper, the Greater, is where we can stand firm when the winds blow. The deeper the connection, the less likely any wind of change will snap our tree.
Insecurities about how I might look is just a symptom of something deeper. It’s not about how I actually physically appear to others, and whether I’m pleasant-looking or not. That doesn’t even matter. Insecurity about how we look is a symptom of a deeper insecurity where we are not connected to ourselves, or a deeper space where insecurity can’t exist. When I am rooted in that space, I don’t fret about anything. I’m grounded in my faith, unshakable, unstirred by the activity around me. I speak from a place of confidence and trust, because the Greater is guiding me. And, frankly, I don't give a shit about what others think about me.
But my ego loves feeling insecure, and getting trapped in the pettiness of appearances. Inevitably, I lose my focal point and fall over. Insecurity of any kind reminds me that I’m not rooted.
So I stop packing and take the time to sit in that wider space where I can open up to why I’m here on this Earth in the first place.
For a few of us “sensitive” ones, waking up in the morning and realizing that we’re all collected on this global sphere spinning on an axis in an ever-expanding universe can be alarming. Not that I let myself grapple with this reality too often, but when I do, a deep stirring takes place. I can either freak out or rest in the knowledge that something Greater brought me here to this place in this time. I choose the latter. And that Something Greater (call it what you connect to — language is a funny thing, and let’s not judge how others name the Love) remains with me along the entire journey of my being. I am never alone even though I might feel alone, and God’s got my back.
My journey here is about love, but the world is full of distractions. The world itself is a distraction!
So let's sink into our hearts today and know we are Loved beyond our tiny imaginations and petty insecurities. We are powerful spiritual beings having a physical experience. Don’t let the garbs and physical entrapments define us or lead the day. Allow our souls to lead our bodies.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3,4
We are here for a reason. We are given opportunities every day to connect with the Greater. Be firmly rooted above all else in your faith, and let everything else take care of itself. Once I lock into that place, what emanates from me is an energy of love, trust and confidence, not insecurity.
My soul calls the shots.
So, thank you, empty suitcase for helping me see that this week.